Weird things would happen during this time. I called them “God texts.” I would get a message, and find something out, and there was really no reason that I should have gotten the message in the first place. One in particular really stands out.
We had shared one email, a family email, and I never even considered having my own personal email, though obviously he did. And he had his work email. Everything with his work went through his work email. Never once did anything come through our personal email. Until the day that it did.
There was an email from Enterprise rent-a-car, saying his car would be ready and waiting when he arrived in LA. WTF??? He never went to LA for work. He hated LA. We were actually married there and I had family there, and he never wanted to go back there.
I was out of my mind. I knew he was taking her. And not just anywhere, but to California. I started to call him. No answer. According to the email, I knew he didn’t arrive yet. But I didn’t care. I was crazy at that point. Call after call after call. I even left a message for her, saying I knew she was in California with my husband and to please have him call me.
Finally, he started texting. He was so sorry. He didn’t know what he was thinking. Yes, he was taking her to Palm Springs for the week. He loved me. Please don’t leave him. Blah, blah, blah. Text after text. Until he went silent.
How I managed to get through those day with any sanity left, I have no idea. Most likely alcohol and exercise. But I did get through it. I felt like my head would explode. What the heck was going on? And more important, what was I going to do? Ugh. I didn’t like my life. I didn’t like who I was becoming. That woman who puts up with her husband’s infidelity. But there I was, doing just that.
When he got back to Calgary, he reached out and told me he was so sorry. Over the course of us getting to the divorce, I heard those words, “I am sorry”, so many darn times. What the heck did that even mean?
Then the visa statement came in. Or at least, I found a way to get it. And I saw all the bills- the nice hotel, the expensive meals, and the designer gifts he bought her. I got a bit crazy. I thought if he is spending our money on her, I am going to spend some on me. And I did just that. I got Leanne, and we had a shopping spree at Holt Renfrew, a high end store in Calgary.
I hate to say it, but buying myself nice things did feel good. I had never spent much on myself before. Always putting him and my kids before me. I bought things that to this day I do still love, and things that I look at and wonder what the heck was I thinking.
Back to the “God Texts”. I have no idea why I received that email. I never received one from Enterprise before, and never one afterwards. I do believe that God, or the Universe, or whatever you believe, was trying to show me what was going on. That this affair was deeper than I believed, and that he would never come back. I was very grateful for the information, but wasn’t ready to give up on my marriage yet.
3 thoughts on ““God Texts””
This is exactly where I find myself. Perhaps you are my “God Blog”? I do hope so. Because I am so afraid of letting my husband go.
Thank you so much for your comment. My desire is truly to help others going through this, to give some hope and show that there is a fabulous life on the other side. It isn’t always pretty getting here, but wow!, is it ever great! Keep following please. There is a lot more to come. Thanks again.
I had a couple of profound, absolutely-nothing-it-could-be-but-God moments on my journey of discovery. And of healing. Although our outcomes are different – my marriage is healing, miraculously – I see God in both our stories! And I support your journey just as you are walking it!! HUGS!