Ending a Marriage by Email

The idea of coaching stayed in my mind.  One day in February, I decided to research it, and found that a coaching program was starting soon at the University of Calgary, with Newfield Network.  I called the university, spoke to the right person, and I decided to jump in.  I signed up for the course.  That decision took me down a new path.

The class started early on a Thursday morning, 5 months after I found out about the affair.  The group of people in this program would be together all day Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  It turned out that the beginning of the program was an intensive look at ourselves.  I was still carrying the affair around with me everywhere I went.  It was starting to become a part of my identity.  I was actually excited to look at myself and discover who I actually am now, as I was no longer a wife.

The first day went ok.  I met some awesome people who I ended up becoming very close with, and they helped me in so many ways.  I was feeling good.  Starting something new for myself.  And then BOOM!

I got an email from my husband.  He told me our marriage was over.  In an email.  I was in total shock.  It was a low point.  I called him hysterical.  I was totally out of my mind.  He was worried about me and asked if I wanted him to come over.  I told him only if he wanted me back.  He said no.  I told him to stay away.  I really didn’t know if I was going to make it through that night.  I got on the floor and was banging my head on the floor.  How could this be happening to me?  Why didn’t he want me back?  I was better than his girlfriend, the other woman, the woman who sleeps with other women’s husbands.  Couldn’t he see that?  Well, maybe I wasn’t that good.  Maybe that was why he was leaving.  Maybe she is better than me, more than me.  I am not enough.  All of these thoughts were raising through my brain. 

But I had to go to class in the morning.  How could he do that to me?  How could he ruin my program, my new start?  What was I going to do? 

I managed to pull myself together and make it to class.  But I was hurting deeply.  We started the morning with a meditation, and I was crying and couldn’t sit there.  I left the room, and the man who was leading the program, Dan Newby, a truly amazing coach worldwide, followed me out.  I was crying, and told him what happened.  I told him about the affair, and about him ending the marriage in the email.  He gently and kindly told me I have to accept it.  Accept that this was all happening in my world.  I told him I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to accept it.  It wasn’t fair.  He said that it didn’t matter.  That I would never be able to move forward until I accepted it. 

Those words would stick with me and help me make it through my life.  I didn’t want to accept, but knew I had to.  It wasn’t easy.  Many, many times I didn’t want to.  But I did.  And I saw how what I thought was horrible timing for my husband to end our life together, was actually perfect timing.  I was so blessed to be with a wonderful coach, and a group of caring, lovely people.  And being back in school gave me something to focus on outside of my day to day life. 

I made it through 9 months of the coaching program.  9 months of a deep look into myself, of holding a mirror up to myself to see who I was being, and to make the choice to be who I actually want to be.  I also started to coach other people.  The people I attracted to coach were all women who had gone through some kind of pain.  Either infidelity or something else.  I learned so much about myself from all of the wonderful women.

I enjoyed this work, but deep down I knew it wasn’t my calling.  What in the world was I going to do with my life?

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