So he asked me to go to a hotel with him, get to know each other, and make love. What did I want to do? I sat there for a while, quiet, lost in my thoughts. And my non-thoughts, just sitting there feeling. He was a bit panicked, and told me to please not feel pressured. At that point, I don’t even know that I was listening to him. I was in my head, trying to figure out what I wanted.
And then it came to me. I was in Ireland. Here was this sweet man, who was open and honest. No games. I was attracted to him. He was a great kisser. And that Irish accent…swoon. So I said yes. We looked into each other’s eyes, and I knew this was right for me at this time. Fortunately, I still had some wine to sip on. He left to go make a call and get us a reservation.
We finished our drinks and left. I was nervous. In a daze. But I hadn’t had sex for almost a year. I was a single woman on a holiday in another country. It did feel right. And being the wonderful guy he is, he took me to a beautiful hotel. It was a gorgeous Victorian building, built in the late 1800’s. We checked in, and went up to our room. I needed another glass of wine, and he quickly went to get me one.
He came back. And together we had a most wonderful evening. A lot of love. A lot of laughs. A lot of intimate conversations, getting to know each other. I told him things that I had never told my ex. He was comfortable to be with, and I let him see the real me. What he chose to do with it was his thing. Most interestingly, he was totally intrigued.
It was an amazing evening. I had to catch a flight the next morning. He offered to take me to the airport. We talked about what this all meant, and the future. We were both on the same page. Getting to know each other was special. Amazing even. But neither of us knows what the future holds. We both didn’t want any pressure or expectations. Only time will tell if we ever see each other again. Though we talked about fun things we could do together, we both understood the reality.
We woke up early the next morning. He drove me to my B&B and waited for me to pack up. Then he drove me to the airport. We were both just kind of in a daze over it all. And then we were there, and we kissed and said good-bye. 37 hours knowing him in Dublin.
I’ll admit it. I had a grin on my face the whole way home. When I went through customs in Dublin, I was actually giggling. It just felt good, to have met someone I connected with, enjoyed and made love with. It actually made me feel alive again. If I never see him again, I will always be so grateful for those hours together. For knowing such a wonderful man. And for allowing my heart to be open again.
And what is so interesting to me, is how our emotions show up in our physical being. I practice Mysore yoga (a form of Ashtanga) regularly. For about 6 weeks before I left on my trip, I could finally get up in full wheel. Urdhva Dhanurasana. But in order to do this, I needed props. And the wall. It is a huge heart opener. It is not an easy pose. To get up into this upside down “U” takes a lot of strength, in both legs and arms. And also courage, at least for me. I had to trust that my arms and legs would hold me up. And in the full pose, my heart would be fully open and exposed.
Well wouldn’t you know it, once I returned home and to yoga, suddenly I could pop right up into the pose, without the props. And I actually found it fun to be up there. And easy.
The mind, body, psyche, emotions…they are all connected. When one is out of balance, it shows up in other areas. And now, I had opened my heart emotionally, and it was showing up beautifully in the physical. SO COOL!!!
He and I continue to text just about every day. Sometimes about our days, sometimes flirty and sexy. We have tried to get a time together to Facetime, but with time differences and busy lives, it hasn’t worked out. But it is all ok. I truly believe that whatever happens will happen because it is the right thing to happen.
That is one of the bigger lessons from my journey. To accept everything as it is. To not make assumptions and to not have expectations. To allow the Universe to unfold as it will, for I believe it is always perfect and just as it is supposed to be. My job here is to learn the lessons and grow. And more often than not, the Universe has something so much bigger and better in store for me than I could ever have imagined.
I am so grateful for this experience. For being brave enough to travel on my own and take in all the experiences. To live large, for this life on the earth is short. My prayer for all of you is to take the reigns of your life and live it full out and be Fabulous!